And yes, here is a good reason. I have been exhausted by health challenges and work and kids and life, that siitting down to write just hasn’t happened! oops!
Posts tagged ‘random’
Well,my body has figured out new and creative ways to betray me. Now I can’t move most of my left side at all! We aren’t sure if I had a minor stroke or if it was caused by something else. I’m getting used to it, since its been two days.But Its still hard.Having half your body be totally numb is really weird.
It’s amazing all the simple things I had been taking for granted. things like standing and walking. Now I can’t even do that. The hand that i use to hold my cane no longer works. So I am not sure how to walk if I felt up to it. So it looks like I’ll be in my wheelchair for now. At least I would be if someone hadn’t stolen it.
Other things that are really difficult now: dressing, brushing my hair and teeth,taking care of the kids, holding a book, feeding myself…basically, everything.
It just isn’t fair. i am trying so hard to get things done.
In my wheelchair I’m lower down than average. But My face isn’t that low. Please stop addressing my breasts and look me in the eye!
And while you’re at It when you come to my classes, please don’t come into my class, look right past me and ask for the teacher in charge. That would be me. Yes, sometimes I’m forced to use a wheelchair.But I also have 15 years experience (not counting raising my siblings). I have all the required credentials plus more. I am CPR certified, and a first responder. Oh and most of the kids love “Teacher Turtle” most days. So get over the chair, look me in the eye and get used to the idea that even though I need a chair sometimes I am the person in charge.
That’s the biggest problem with having a disability. People assume that because I use a wheelchair and wear a face mask at work I am not capable of being the teacher in charge. Actually, I started the program. Before I turned it into something that more resembles child care/preschool. It was only a day room before, where up to 198 children are dropped off and left to fend for themselves for the day. One adult is all that has to watch them. What we have now is better. But its only that way because I decided to make it that way.
I’m not stiff and sore and the world’s stopped tilting. there’s a plus. Still worried about yesterdays class. But ya know what, it’s over, and I can’t change it.
Today is not my day. not even close. So I am going to give up and go to bed. It has been nothing but disaster after disaster and its gotten to the point that I am starting to have seizures and vertigo.
It started when I was supposed to go on a field trip. Well, here’s the thing. I am not supposed to go on field trips where I am not with an instructor. The instructor, however doesn’t seem to be aware of this. Its a hazard with my disability to be out without a staff member from my building. I am considered a fall risk.There is a reason that I live in special disabled housing!
so anyway, they didn’t want me going out, because I wasn’t going to school. And they delayed me until I was going to be late. A few minutes only though, so I wasn’t really stressing .I showed them the assignment on line and they gave me the community cell phone. (I’ll get back to the cell phone issue later)
But then I had a seizure on the bus. And after that, I got lost. I did eventually find the library, 10 minutes after everyone left!!! Not that I can blame them. It was great that they waited an hour. (An hour where I was wandering around 3 blocks away. ) Also, If I had ever heard the phone ringing I would have known my group was also trying to find me. Another problem with that…The person who left the message didn’t leave a call back number, so I had to call back all 28 numbers on the missed call list to find her. And of course after waiting for an hour they were fed up with me. I told them I’d make it up and explain to the instructor.
I’m just so frustrated!!!!!!! I try not to complain most of the time. and I try not to question “why me?” because all that ever does is take a lot of energy that I can’t afford to waste anymore. But I sometimes wonder about the assumtions people make and if not being able to meet with my group will hurt me. First is the assumption that all students can go on field trips. And the assumption that we all have cell phones. Or that we all have computer access when they make classes Tech enhanced. I mean, there were no accomodations made for this trip. No one checked that I was allowed to go, arranged transportation, got me a helper to come with me,made sure I had a phone and the numbers of my group.So will they hold it against me that I was physically unable to do what they asked? Oh well. Now I know how to find Bernal Heights.
I am upset because I missed out on a fun project because my stupid health is failing, and I can’t do the things I want. I am worried that my grade will be affected by something I had no control over. Sometimes I just want my terminal illness to go away!! I just want to do the same things that everyone I know are able to do. I want to be a real city college student, not a make-a -wish. I want to live in real housing and be a good mom to my kids. I wish they were in a real building, not a community living center thats a step above a shelter, barely.
And because of the seizures I am getting a horrible headache. Actually, I had to stop this entry and start again after a break.I was actually crying, that’s how frustrated I got. I rarely get that upset. And it is already taking a physical toll on me. I have a few minutes to get myself together enough so that my kids don’t see me hurting again. They’ve seen enough trauma.
- We goed on a field trip! (littleshelterpreschoolthatcan.wordpress.com)
Because of my head injury I sometimes have an awful time with words. Sometimes I am reading English, but it might as well be classical Greek. Sometimes its the wrong word or a word that isn’t even close. My poor kids have learned that when I ask for something, for example a spoon, it is usually a good idea to grab several other things as well, in case I was using the wrong word and it wasn’t really a spoon that I wanted. Sometimes, I can’t even find any word, and come to a dead stop mid sentence. other times I will stutter, stumble, do a Porky Pig impersonation or start a sentence right in the middle, because that is the part I remember. I have written some really interesting “free Election” reflection papers, and once wrote an Aardvark plan instead of an action plan. It changed my Curriculum assingment to something so strange that I can’t even remember what it was. I only remember that my instructor pointed out that computers have spell checks. Actually, that doesn’t always help. If I spell the wrong word correctly, it won’t help me.
Here are some of my stranger Aphasic moments.
“That’s a cute Zebra, Davi.” “Mama, it a tiger. and I’m Isaac.”
Discussing our families on the first day of class at city college. (I think I really confuzzled that particular teacher for the entire semester.) “I have 6 spoons” I meant kids. Teacher, “huh” Me, “ummm you know, the like,the,uh things people have in their families.” Teacher “You mean children? ” Me: “Yeah”
On a call to my partner. “All 6 cars slept with me because of the storms.” Ry. “wasn’t it crowded, with 6 cars? where did the kids sleep?” =P
For some reason I seem to like the words spoon and Aardvark, but have a dreadful time with children, child, or kids. Interesting, since I work in with infants and toddlers!