I am seriously starting to feel like a pin cushion! Today I had multiple appointments and it seems like every single one of them involved some kind of needles. I had to have a blood draw that seemed to last for ever, an IV for my pain medications and treatment, and a shot.And My oxygen, but that is a clip, not really a needle.But I am so sensitive to the feeling of it, that it might as well have been a needle! OUCH!
So when I got home, I hauled my hurting body to the chair to catch up on homework, and promptly fell asleep. And slept all day. that was after I got stuck in the elevator,of course! I hate that elevator. Its so heavy that I don’t have the strength to open it, and had to wait for someone else to let me out. Usually I would have taken the stairs,but I didn’t have the energy to climb 3 flights.
I am trying to stay positive,but I am just so tired and worn down.I don’t even have enough energy to keep my sense of humor. I’m really not getting on the “why me” gerbil wheel, but I am having a hard day. I just don’t have anything left to give,and there are so many things that i want to do. Its frustrating that my body is refusing to do the things I want to do;basic things that everyone does to take care of themselves. I knew this was coming, but I’m still shocked about how fast. I’m not ready!!!!!
I have spent most of this evening curled up on my chair, with my six year old in my lap. Lately he’s been spending as much time as possible as close to me as possible.I have to admit its not as close as he’d like sometimes, Since Tadgh or Spikey is usually in my lap, and when they aren’t there’s a lot of medical equipment (his and mine) in the way. But he’s been totally ignoring it and sitting on my feet folding his origami or signing me stories about his days at kinder.While I was asleep, he even sat on the floor and slept too, leaning against me. He always want me in his sight.
Can’t say I blame him. The poor kid’s been through more than any child should, and he’s only six!!!He just got a new feeding tube, and one implant to help him hear. And that was his 18thor 19th surgery that we know about. His bio mom died of AIDS complications when he was just 3. And right now one of his other moms is deployed.I’m sure he knows part of what happened his mom (mama Angel) and might be matching that with whats happening to me. He’s one of those kids thats wise beyond his years.I cry a lot when the kids are asleep,because it breaks my heart what they have to deal with.
*sigh* It’s going to be another tearful,pain filled night. And i hate that. But what I hate more is that its changing who I am so much. I am usually active and fun loving and have a sense of humor. Today I’m tired,cross, bitter and feel like my ribs are trying tosquash me every time I breathe.