My family, musings and life in the turtle pond

Posts tagged ‘humor’

Signs you may want to change up you’re circle time

1.bored kids
2.sleeping kids
3.the rooster is paying more attention than the kids

Lesson of the day

1. Miss Turtle’s cell phone can’t swim.
2. Baby cheetahs purr real loud
3. Lettuce and tomatoes stuff up the toilet.

another crying day!

I should have known when I got up today that it wasn’t worth the bother. The first thing that happened was getting locked in the bathroom. Yeah, I had such a bad time with getting my hand to work that I couldn’t unlock the door! Then getting dressed was so hard that it hurt me.I had to ask my oldest to help out with dressing and getting breakfast in me instead of on me.

My pain was so bad that I ended up at the hospital having to get pain shots. I hate having to get pain shots! But even with them, I can only lie on my bed for the  most part.And I had to rely on the kids to do everything for me. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to rely on your kids? let alone how hard on the kids that it is.

And then I wasn’t able to go to class when I was supposed to be on the debate team.I couldn’t do it! and I hated that. I wanted to do it so badly!!I really love that class. And this is the second activity I’ve had to miss in two weeks!!!!I couldn’t go to my evening class either. I was supposed to take my midterm in my other class.*sigh*But there was no way I would be able to go to a night class.

I have cried so much today that I’m cried out. Its not that I feel better, I just have no tears  left! I feel a lone,and scared and hurting.I have only my kids here right now,and i have to be strong for them.I can’t talk to RY, because we video chatted last week, and we only get one call a month, and only if they’re in a secure area. I don’t want to scare the kids worse than they already are. The older ones are having a hard time handling things as it is, and the younger ones don’t have any concept of death or dying but know something is going on. I hate what I’m doing to them. My sons have already had one mother die, and now they have me here and Ry away until who knows when. I mean she was supposed to come home a month ago, but her deployment got extended(again). When I look at my kids I cry inside too, because in trying to do what was right (adopting them all) I have now put them in the position of watching a second mother die of pretty much the same thing that killed their biological mom.How much am I putting them through? People keep telling me that they’ll be okay and that kids are like rubber bands. But even a rubber band eventually gets stretched too thin.

I wonder how many people really know just how bad things are. I have already outlived my 6 to 9 weeks by 3 months. But instead of cheering each week makes me more and more worried. Because I know now my time is completely borrowed. And how long can that go on? I don’t know why it makes me upset to keep living. Each day is another day that I can see my 5 month old smile, watch my 17 month old wobble (she’s so not even toddling yet). I can cuddle with my six year old, who is just recovering from his something teenth surgery.(we never did get a complete health record for him.) I can laugh with my kids and spend time with my friends. So all of those are good things. So why do they make me cry?

And back to the school Issue. Part of what upsets me is that my medical conditions are starting to make it look like I’m a flake! And I’m truly not. If only they knew how bad I feel about missing a class, how much it ties me in knots. I wish they knew.

I wish they knew exactly what is going on. But I am also not sure what would happen if I do. I work with kids and i don’t want to jeopardize that. So I say what I can. I live in a Positive living building, and work with kids who have parents dying from the diseases that accompany AIDS. I always hope that they will put two and two together. Its cancer and heart failure and the effects of a car wreck  that’s actually killing me anyway, so maybe I can hide behind that. But I shouldn’t have to hide. I shouldn’t have to apologize when I have seizures or I’m in so much pain I can’t sit up. I just want to be treated like a human. And right now I just want a hug. But most people are afraid to, mostly because they are afraid to hurt me. The lack of contact hurts me worse!

I don’t fit in pretty boxes!

I hate paperwork. And yes, I do mean hate, even though that’s a very strong word. I don’t like it because of the boxes that I have to fit into. I never know which ones to fill in in most cases. Sometimes I have to pick the closest answer. Why do we have to categorize ourselves into boxes for other people? Do others really need to know every detail of what they think we are?

For a start, race/ethnic background. Race in and of itself is a made up term, since we are all human. Then there is the ethnic background. I come from one that doesn’t exist. After all, there is no group of Native Americans. There are 450+ different nations who co-exist within the United States.

So now we move on to sex/gender. there are always two choices, Male and Female. But that doesn’t cover a fairly large number of people who are genetically both. Nor does it take into consideration people who “gender flip” depending on the situation. And of course, this leads to “married, single, divorced” . Sometimes none of the above apply. And other options don’t always fit in either.

From there we move to Housing. Rent or own?  Or the other options, like Living in nursing home,halfway house or community center, or homeless, living in a hotel,car, shelter or friend’s couches.

And the lists go on and on! And the boxes get more and more ambiguous. trying harder and harder to pinpoint exactly what the person answering is.

That is the true problem. Most people aren’t just one thing. They don’t fit neatly into little boxes. More and more of us have problems with identifying all the mixes we have. Mixed-race really doesn’t cover it. And they NEVER provide all the possible combinations of mix we are. Bi-racial doesn’t work for people with three or more “races”. Sometimes it’s just easier to pick the race you look the most like and claim that. Other times there are a few groups that come close.

This is why I develop a sense of humor about it. If its a fill in the blank option I will sometimes develop a sarcasting sense of humor and actually put human on the form. Or I’ll put the term I think apply to me most. Border lander.   A border lander is a person on the outskirts. They are part of more than one group,standing on the border,where they have a foot on either side, so to speak. Border landers don’t fit in any group really. None of their sides may truly accept them. And they need to survive caught between catagories, and literally outside the boxes.

Typical “discussion” at the Turtle Pond

Usually all at once and talking across each other.

“Mama, He’s  throwing beans. Make him quit throwing beans!”  Yahira

“What did everyone do at school today?”

“Nuttin.Nuttin” Whatev, stuff, recess!!”  (Yahira,Isaac, Iseah,Nadav, Yoav) (personally, I love recess too!=) )

“Blah, blah Gyack, Blep”  Spikey (she’s only 18 months old)

“Mama, you see Herman enwhere?” Herman is the pet frog. Shoulda been named Houdini.

*spitting coffee at loss of Herman. his last known whereabouts was the cabinet*

 

 

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