Can there be dinosaurs in heaven? Please?
Posts tagged ‘family’
“Turtle, you could sit on the parenting panel if they don’t show up.”
“Umm, yeah, sure. I don’t good with public speaking though.” I mumbled. I could feel my face turning bright pink. I was still only two months out of hospital after rehabilitation for a head injury.I had a lot of difficulty talking and putting the right words together. I felt okay being in class,but I wasn’t sure that I would be able to speak clearly. But that wasn’t really why I was turning pink and getting way too warm.
The teacher had just outted me. Although I had never really been in (at least not since high school) I also didn’t talk about my sexual orientation or family life openly. Not yet anyway. I was too new. I had only been at city college for two months, off the reservation for a year and wasn’t sure how much I wanted to say.Even though this was a class about serving LGBT families in preschools I wasn’t really comfortable yet. I’d been hurt too many times by so many people that I didn’t know how much was safe to say. I had told this instructor my information in another class as part of an activity,not this class. And this particular instructor tends to be really loud. She can be heard in the back row when she’s making a “private” comment to someone in the first. Oh well, File that in the *it figures* files.
Worried that she would also out my medical status I tried for damage control. “Well, I am a parent. ” Not smooth,but hopefully anyone who had heard would think that’s all she had meant.Fortunately, it didn’t matter. The panel showed up.
As I got more comfortable I did speak more. The next week I talked about the difficulties of adoption for LGBT parents.I did an activity that changed paperwork in preschool programs to include all types of families,and even became more of an activist in my community. But I still felt a bit weird in that class. I would have eventually come out to the class on my own. But I would have prefered doing it on my terms. And the teacher (although we are friends now) still doesn’t realize that she outted me before I was ready.
- Help, I’ve gone beanless! (origionally 4-23-11) (splashofthegoldfishcrackers.wordpress.com)
- Whoohoo! I found a broom closet! (origionally March 9th,2011) (splashofthegoldfishcrackers.wordpress.com)
I am seriously starting to feel like a pin cushion! Today I had multiple appointments and it seems like every single one of them involved some kind of needles. I had to have a blood draw that seemed to last for ever, an IV for my pain medications and treatment, and a shot.And My oxygen, but that is a clip, not really a needle.But I am so sensitive to the feeling of it, that it might as well have been a needle! OUCH!
So when I got home, I hauled my hurting body to the chair to catch up on homework, and promptly fell asleep. And slept all day. that was after I got stuck in the elevator,of course! I hate that elevator. Its so heavy that I don’t have the strength to open it, and had to wait for someone else to let me out. Usually I would have taken the stairs,but I didn’t have the energy to climb 3 flights.
I am trying to stay positive,but I am just so tired and worn down.I don’t even have enough energy to keep my sense of humor. I’m really not getting on the “why me” gerbil wheel, but I am having a hard day. I just don’t have anything left to give,and there are so many things that i want to do. Its frustrating that my body is refusing to do the things I want to do;basic things that everyone does to take care of themselves. I knew this was coming, but I’m still shocked about how fast. I’m not ready!!!!!
I have spent most of this evening curled up on my chair, with my six year old in my lap. Lately he’s been spending as much time as possible as close to me as possible.I have to admit its not as close as he’d like sometimes, Since Tadgh or Spikey is usually in my lap, and when they aren’t there’s a lot of medical equipment (his and mine) in the way. But he’s been totally ignoring it and sitting on my feet folding his origami or signing me stories about his days at kinder.While I was asleep, he even sat on the floor and slept too, leaning against me. He always want me in his sight.
Can’t say I blame him. The poor kid’s been through more than any child should, and he’s only six!!!He just got a new feeding tube, and one implant to help him hear. And that was his 18thor 19th surgery that we know about. His bio mom died of AIDS complications when he was just 3. And right now one of his other moms is deployed.I’m sure he knows part of what happened his mom (mama Angel) and might be matching that with whats happening to me. He’s one of those kids thats wise beyond his years.I cry a lot when the kids are asleep,because it breaks my heart what they have to deal with.
*sigh* It’s going to be another tearful,pain filled night. And i hate that. But what I hate more is that its changing who I am so much. I am usually active and fun loving and have a sense of humor. Today I’m tired,cross, bitter and feel like my ribs are trying tosquash me every time I breathe.
Because of my head injury I sometimes have an awful time with words. Sometimes I am reading English, but it might as well be classical Greek. Sometimes its the wrong word or a word that isn’t even close. My poor kids have learned that when I ask for something, for example a spoon, it is usually a good idea to grab several other things as well, in case I was using the wrong word and it wasn’t really a spoon that I wanted. Sometimes, I can’t even find any word, and come to a dead stop mid sentence. other times I will stutter, stumble, do a Porky Pig impersonation or start a sentence right in the middle, because that is the part I remember. I have written some really interesting “free Election” reflection papers, and once wrote an Aardvark plan instead of an action plan. It changed my Curriculum assingment to something so strange that I can’t even remember what it was. I only remember that my instructor pointed out that computers have spell checks. Actually, that doesn’t always help. If I spell the wrong word correctly, it won’t help me.
Here are some of my stranger Aphasic moments.
“That’s a cute Zebra, Davi.” “Mama, it a tiger. and I’m Isaac.”
Discussing our families on the first day of class at city college. (I think I really confuzzled that particular teacher for the entire semester.) “I have 6 spoons” I meant kids. Teacher, “huh” Me, “ummm you know, the like,the,uh things people have in their families.” Teacher “You mean children? ” Me: “Yeah”
On a call to my partner. “All 6 cars slept with me because of the storms.” Ry. “wasn’t it crowded, with 6 cars? where did the kids sleep?” =P
For some reason I seem to like the words spoon and Aardvark, but have a dreadful time with children, child, or kids. Interesting, since I work in with infants and toddlers!