My family, musings and life in the turtle pond

“Turtle, you could sit on the parenting panel if they don’t show up.”

“Umm, yeah, sure. I don’t good with public speaking though.” I mumbled. I could feel my face turning bright pink. I was still only two months out of hospital after rehabilitation for a head injury.I had a lot of difficulty talking and putting the right words together. I felt okay being in class,but I wasn’t sure that I would be able to speak clearly. But that wasn’t really why I was turning pink and getting way too warm.

The teacher had just outted me. Although I had never really been in (at least not since high school) I also didn’t talk about my sexual orientation or family life openly. Not yet anyway. I was too new. I had only been at city college for two months, off the reservation for a year and wasn’t sure how much I wanted to say.Even though this was a class about serving LGBT families in preschools I wasn’t really comfortable yet. I’d been hurt too many times by so many people that I didn’t know how much was safe to say. I had told this instructor my information in another class as part of an activity,not this class. And this particular instructor tends to be really loud. She can be heard in the back row when she’s making a “private” comment to someone in the first. Oh well, File that in the *it figures* files.

Worried that she would also out my medical status I tried for damage control. “Well, I am a parent. ” Not smooth,but hopefully anyone who had heard would think that’s all she had meant.Fortunately, it didn’t matter. The panel showed up.

As I got more comfortable I did speak more. The next week I talked about the difficulties of adoption for LGBT parents.I did an activity that changed paperwork in preschool programs to include all types of families,and even became more of an activist in my community. But I still felt a bit weird in that class. I would have eventually come out to the class on my own. But I would have prefered doing it on my terms. And the teacher (although we are friends now) still doesn’t realize that she outted me before I was ready.


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